Kiss
Puke
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
