"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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