i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
