Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
