my sisters under your porch take her home
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
