Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.