just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.