my mouth tastes like poor choices
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
