youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
