no. you can't hotbox the world.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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