I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
