Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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