Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
