you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
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to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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