Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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