this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
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Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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