my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
