What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
