You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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