Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
