Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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