you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
