PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
