How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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