ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
