i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize