if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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