if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
