I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
