she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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