Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
