Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
