you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
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She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
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He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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