Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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