Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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