So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
