My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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