Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
