dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
