My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
