I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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