I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
ugly people sure do ruin things
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
