Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
