I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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