You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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