Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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