I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
