i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
