that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Randomize
