there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
