Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize