Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
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I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
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This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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