how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
