Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
