drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
