i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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