Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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