It's like God shit irony all over that family
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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