So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We're too hungover to prance.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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