he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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