Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
