what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
