I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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