I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
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I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
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He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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