You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
