where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
