just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
