I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
