You're a womanizer and a bitch.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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