sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
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bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
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These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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