today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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