Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
