If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
how drunk are you?
Several
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
