lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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