Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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