My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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