ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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