ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
