my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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