Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
