I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize