This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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