the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
