I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
