dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
