am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
