At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
